Life is a fantasized reality

2010-10-03T03:22:00.002+08:00

Cukuplah sudah kata-kata
janji manismu
siapa saja terpedaya
dengan bibirmu

Berkali kau menangis merayu padaku
namun menghilang sebaik saja

lalu air mata jatuh akhirnya
dengan tak sengaja engkau
membuatku terumbang-ambing di angkasa
hancur musnah semua mimpiku
hillang di angkasa

pernah kau bilang tulus cinta
hanya boneka hmm..
cuba kau pandang ku di mata
serius di pinta

berkali kau menangis merayu padaku
lalu menghilang sebaik saja

lalu air mata jatuh akhirnya
dengan tak sengaja engkau
membuatku terumbang-ambing di angkasa
hancur musnah semua mimpiku
hilang di angkasa

tak sanggup lagi aku menahan duka
tanpamu aku hilang arah ke mana

lalu air mata jatuh akhirnya
dengan tak sengaja engkau
membuatku terumbang-ambing di angkasa
hancur musnah semua mimpiku
hilang di angkasa..
dengan tak sengaja engkau
membuatku terumbang-ambing di angkasa
hancur musnah semua mimpiku
hilang di angkasa.

Angkasa. -Hady Mirza.
Am not a fan of him,but the words mean a lot to me.

2010-10-03T02:55:00.003+08:00

" People become stronger because they have memories they can't forget. That's why they call growth."

And ya.. things can remain just as memories. That is.
Its about moving on; earlier people come out of your life, later people come in.
In the end all of us will gather to one place. So doa is the only thing it takes. Like you also said.

It's amazing when strangers become friends,but its too bad when friends become strangers.

2010-09-28T05:20:00.002+08:00

Bila hati ini dah betol2 kecewa.
That'll be my answer without you spitting the question to me.

I used to try my very best to be there with her when she's facing her failure so that she won't feel left out. Yet the moment when I really need the presence.. Well. Actions proven enough.

And the reason why I didn't come on that particular day is because of you.
No other reason. Its just you. The person I used to love most. Used to. That is. Indeed.

Never dare to ever say the word "miss". You never mean it. Action speaks louder than words.

This heart is tired of begging for your time and love. Tired of being a beggar. A beggar who never been running out of love, yet, still and still keep on begging.

2010-09-16T15:16:00.002+08:00

Mencuba untuk fahami
Mencari celah hatimu
Bila harus menangis
Aku akan menangis
Namun air mata
Ini telah habis

Segalanya telah kuberikan
Tapi kau tak pernah ada pengertian
Mungkin kita harus jalani
Cinta memang cukup sampai disini

Mencuba untuk rasuki
Menyentuh palung jiwamu
Bila harus menghiba
Aku kan menghiba
Namun rasa ini telah
Sampai di hujung lelahku

Segalanya telah kuberikan
Tapi kau tak pernah ada pengertian
Mungkin kita harus jalani
Cinta memang cukup sampai disini.

-D'Massiv : Cinta sampai di sini.

2010-09-14T22:43:00.003+08:00

Looking back I realized again how much mother went through a lot of hardships. A petite lady who used to be timid, a little introvert, very shy, not daring and very obedient now became a very strong single mother. A timid full-time housewife now became a businesswoman from different trades to trades just to bring up her children. Am very proud of her.

So again I wondered.. A person like me who is very much different from the mother.. And even mum said she saw my attitude developed from young toddler: an independent and fast learner girl; now being a very weak defeated person. I am very embarrassed of myself. Indeed, I am.

So I suppose.. Its not too late to flip a new chapter within these last few months left before 2010 ends.. Am gonna start afresh!

Indeed the rhythm made by the waves and sea breeze that sweep through the face helps her dive deep into the soul and swim in her thoughts.
Guess I really am customized with living alone with no surrounding peers now that its been multiple times I spend time at the beach with my own self.

Now lets get started with prelim exams! :)

2010-09-12T00:59:00.002+08:00

"Do what you want. Nothing to say"

Thank you a lot my dearest sleeping beauty prince. You don't care anymore don't you. You washed your hands off me. That is just what it takes to make my day. A mark on my life.

2010-08-30T02:52:00.002+08:00

An effort made. I did. I tried and I still am.
Was fighting. Yet hearing whispers saying "What if it's really meant to be?"
Shutting my eyes tight.
But the mind keeps playing around.

What if...... I really am in love with you.
What if I'm destined to share.

Am having sleepless nights. Weeks of them.
Sitting alone.
Walking alone.
Crying alone.
And talk to myself.

Has been making ringing answer-less calls.
Has been receiving loving and care full talks.

This mind is tired of those empty promises.
But the heart is missing those friend full moments.

Sorry but the truth is proven.
We share the same age and lifetime but different mindsets.
This last farewell.. Am bidding to everyone.

2010-08-18T23:17:00.003+08:00

Lay down on her back
Gaze to the empty walls
She hopes and recites
Oh please show me what love really is
To sacrifice or not to
Either way she still suffers
Strangled in a forbidden love
Or suffocate in an affection sorrow

She is hallucinated by adoration drug
Embracing happiness in guilt
Bewitched by his integrity
And pampered by his possessions

Drowning in emotions and deliberations
How could she destroy a beautiful house
Just to build an empty castle
For she has to learn the hard way
To earn happiness requires effort
How could she lay on one's beads of perspiration

She knew she is blinded
But she caught sight of him standing there
Almost every moment when she needs a figure
To support in case she falter

What she wants is just a companion
To fill up the container of boredom
To heal the wound of lonesome
And to have a presence to cling on.

Oh please, again she recites
She can't afford another farewell
Her mind keep saying let go
But her heart just don't do so.

2010-05-13T02:50:00.003+08:00

I MOVED ON.

And when you left, someone came in.
I thought there I am, with no appetite, no mood, no affections and even interests.

Come to think of it, maybe this is just because when life suddenly being hard on you, its just to make you become a stronger person so as to pick yourself up quickly and move on.
Alhamdulillah I've seen the grace behind everything. A torch in the dark. May I have the strength to face upcoming unpredictable things ahead of me.

And at last, somebody is about to understand what I've been trying to mean what it's all about.
When that day we discussed and understood that the bond that we had might be the best to be just as friendship, life has been welcoming opportunities ahead of us. And I hope that you've really met what you want from a person, I'm very happy for you. Yes I know and I realise, even if you don't grumble how I usually don't express my happiness for you. How much I don't express my love for you and how much I am proud of you. I have my reasons why I didn't do all that. You've been receiving praises, applauses and glories of your perfection by people who doesn't see your flaws. And that's where I have to be. To show you your imperfection. To make you understand that life will not always be a smooth road to sail. Because I want you to prepare for the worst. You may be like a therapist to me and even sometimes you play a role of a counsellor but there are things which you are not strong enough to face and that's where I will be.

I know you was expecting my wish. I've already plan something but that night when you called and made me rage with anger, I know I shouldn't get carried away especially when now we spend lesser time together but I guess that was somehow a reflex response to your words. But I didn't intend not to wish you on time. Never did I imagine that you actually didn't receive my msg. I thought you didn't reply me because you might be offended towards my attitude.

And fine. I have to resend the whole chunky sms and that wasn't sentimental anymore.
But when you said that I made your day, actually, that was enough to make my day as well.
Well, Happy 17th Birthday my dear sleeping beauty prince. I've always love you.
If the right time has come, I promise we'll have a double date. And I promise I'll try my best to accept her whoever she is.

2010-04-12T20:34:00.003+08:00

I believe in fate.
And I am not going to put in hopes.
Not going to put in any effort.
Not going to put in any dreams.
Not going to make any moves.

Wallahu'alam.

2010-04-07T02:34:00.002+08:00

"A pretty face catches your eye, but a pretty personality catches your heart"

And I defenitely agree to that because that is the reason why you caught my attention.

And to Aisy, you nak ketawakan gambar lama2 dia dgn misai dia, ketawalah! I prioritise the personality!! =P

2010-04-07T02:11:00.004+08:00

"Seseorang yang berhasil mendapat cinta dengan mudah, akan sukar memperolehi cinta yang sejati"
-Extracted from Ukhti Syafiqah Basiran's shoutout.

Alhamdulillah. One after another; words of wisdom motivates me and eliminates all the negative thoughts in this brain capacity.
Yes. Maybe I should leave every single thing to Allah's hands and stop thinking too much about what is going to happen next. Be it if he is really going to fly off to Australia or Europe, if we are meant to be, then it should be rite? Referring to Ukht Syafiqah's quotation, if this is too easy for me then it might not leave much of a sentimental touch isn't it?
I hope.. It's going to be worth the waiting and patience.

Yes, Nadhz, you have a point there when you said that at least he is still studying so by the time things can be settled when he's back. =)))

Lets just pray for the best...
For, "A good woman is for a good man and a good man is for a good woman"
Double H.

Wassalam. =)

2010-04-06T00:02:00.003+08:00

"Barangsiapa menginginkan teman, cukuplah Allah menjadi temannya.
Barangsiapa menginginkan kekayaan, cukuplah qana’ah menyertainya.
Barangsiapa menginginkan nasihat, cukuplah kematian menasihatinya.
Barangsiapa menginginkan harta simpanan, cukuplah Al-Quran menjadi barang simpanannya. Barangsiapa yang tidak cukup dengan keempat-empat hal ini, cukuplah neraka baginya."
-Extracted from DPerkasa Gombak (Pok Nik) Facebook Shoutout.

Thanks to this meaningful quotation, it mellows down the pain agonizing my psychological mindset thinking about missing him soon. Though, I believe HE understands how I feel since this feeling HE created is a nikmah that will strengthen myself as soon as I learnt how to overcome it instead of letting our biggest enemy overcome my mindset.

Deep down inside, I'm so not ready to face another farewell consecutively. Especially when this feeling of adoration just about to develop beautifully.

You qualify yourself in the check list of all the qualities needed when that day you asked : "Dayah dah sembahyang?"
Because... I will always remember my mum's words "A good husband, a good leader will ask you this question: "Have you done your prayer?"

And I hope and will always pray that wherever you are pursuing your studies, you will always hold on to your principles because that is one of the factors why you are one of those who I look upon.
"I love you because of your religion, if you let go of your religion, then I have to let go of my love for you" -Imam Nawawi.

Wallahua'lam. For HE knows what is best for both of us.
My prayers for us will always being heard to Allah.

2010-03-06T23:50:00.003+08:00

Had been over the moon.
Though there's nothing so promising about, I can see the grace and hope to it.
I had never stop praying to Allah may what I wish for will come true.
And when he was praying there while I was in the room tidying the shelf, just the two of us, somehow I can imagine and dream, seeing him as my imam one day. Somehow, the atmosphere in the room was full of serenity. In my heart I said, 'Allah, please make him be the one'. hehe. Double H.
Hamdan lillah. Though there's nothing that is promising enough yet, I can see that because of him, I am making myself closer to You, thanking You for making me appreciate the true meaning of love and adoration as it is in the path which isn't in the wrath of You.

While on the other side of the reality, I never imagine myself to be a heartbreaker. But the thing is, you yourself doesn't convince me. Doesnt make me feel secure enough. Lets not think it as being materialistic. But this is life. A reality. Though you promised to allow me to pursue my dreams, but I know, one day, if it is meant to be, then it might not happen. I'm sure I can comprehend that. Because I know you may not afford so. And I analyzed almost every aspect that many things about us will not tally. How different are our mindset. And I believe it will be different to my family as well. That is another important factor that must be considered.

So lets just pray for the best. For He knows whats best for me, for you and for everyone.
Wallahu a'lam.

Take care everyone. =)

2010-03-06T23:45:00.003+08:00

"Woman was made from the rib of a man,
She was not created from his head to top him,
Not from his feet to be stepped upon.
She was made from his side to be close to him,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
And near his heart to be loved by him."

-Anonymous.

2010-02-08T03:28:00.003+08:00

"When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible" -Billy Crystal. (Extracted from Reader's Digest Feb 2010)

Though people had been thinking that I'm like years much older than I really am, I still dare to quote such things. Lets not say that I'm like 'dah kemaruk nak kawin' but I believe every individual in this world want to spend the rest of their life as smoothly as possible with the loved one by the side. But seriously, I had been thinking so much this lately, am I able to meet the kind of man I really want to be as my life partner?
Will that man has all the important characteristics?

#1: 100% faith and obey to the One and Only The Almighty and Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.
#2: Love my family and responsible to his family.
#3: Understanding
#4: Stable in the sense of health and wealth
#5: Appreciative and respect all kinds of human race, not only towards me.
#6: Social yet understands the boundaries.
#7: Gentleman towards all women but romantic only to me.
#8: Strictly tobacco-free and alcohol-free.
#9: Has the leadership and prioritise education on our children.
#10: Strict yet loving.

Like Aisyah said (mimic her 'makcik2' style): "Memang susah nak cari lelaki yg baik, yg msh jaga solat, yg masih jaga batas.. So if you found one, better grab cepat2!"
But the question here is, should we be like "Perigi mencari timba"?

For the mean time, I'm still finding answers towards all the questions I asked to myself. And I never gave up to pray to Allah that I will get the person I had my eyes on him. (8 years older won't hurt) *giggles*

"Jika dia yang ditakdir untuk menjadi milikku, dekatkanlah hatinya dengan ku, tapi sekiranya dia bukan yang terbaik buatku, tenangkan hatiku agar dapat aku terima takdirMu dan temukanlah aku dengan seseorang yg lebih baik darinya" ameen.

Take care loves. :)

2010-02-08T02:54:00.003+08:00

Wow it had been decades since I last updated this blog and it's getting pretty dusty here huh. :D

Many things had happen ever since the day we had been waiting for came upon. The feeling of being struck by lightning (if I could exagerate to that extend) indeed made a great impact in my life. It's like carrying me to a new revolution when not only Plan A was off track but even my Plan D was not on the lane. I can say I wasn't walking on Earth because internally I was dead but physically.... you just have to carry a strong front for the sake of the loved ones.

For some moments I was freakingly afraid if I might lose my drive when suddenly an idea of blaming The Almighty was part of my brain cells. But seriously I am so thankful to Allah for giving me strong and beautiful people around me- all throwing words of wisdom and guidance to see the grace of blessing in disguise of all things that happen in our life. Hamdan lillah. I believe He still loves me even with all my disobey and weaknesses.

Thank you all. And I dedicate my gratitude to my one and only mum for always standing strong for me although I dissapoint you too much. I am thankful that you never lose faith on me and has been supportive enough. Indeed you know me better than I do- of what I capable of. (but sometimes you don't :D).

Salamun minni lakum.
Take care loves. :)

2009-12-17T10:52:00.002+08:00

Is adoring my new short hair while missing the old long hair.
After about 2 years not having any haircut. At last. It feels different.
Been looking at the mirror endlessly. Weeeeeeeeee. =)

2009-11-30T02:24:00.004+08:00

Lets have some pictures ok?

And so this is when Aisy was totally mesmerized with my
ultimate cuteness. hehehe xD
And this picture was when O levels were still on
and I wasn't that ________.

And for those who had been missing me a lot, this is how I

look like ever since holidays made me become more _________.

Sorry for the bad quality image. I was using the 3G minor camera

so it turned out like this. It's not that my Nokia 5MP Camera

Phone was at fault. hehe xD

That's all. Take care everyone! =)

2009-11-30T01:12:00.002+08:00

Salams.
It has been 17 days since O level examinations totally ended. So far most of my time are being spent at home. And staying at home this long made me conclude to one thing: I can never be a stay home housewife before having my first child. Why? Cause I would end up gaining more weight!

Well, holidays as it is, there's nothing much to do, therefore I could not have an early night because there's nothing I do at home to tire myself. I end up sleeping late and watch online anime Naruto till like 3am+. Wake up for subuh prayers and get back to sleep till noon, do some cleaning if necessary then back to my anime.

Somehow retiring from netball deactivate me from all the energy burn-up activities and increase the rate of glycogen stored in me. I wanted so much to find a job after mum made me cancel my interview appointment with an Investment company because of 'mummy-worries-at-first'.
But it's fine with me. Dengar cakap mak selamat hidup. hehe!

Lately there's no much of the night calls probably because somebody needs to catch up with all the beauty sleeps. Ok, though I definitely know the reason why. Seems like you're just pretty busy with 'activities'. But anyway, I believe "Absence makes the heart grows fonder".
Indeed it does.

And so... I just can't wait for the reunion! I'm sure it's gonna be pretty fun later on!
Till here.
Take care everyone! =)

2009-11-18T18:04:00.003+08:00

Salam loves. Please take note that I created a new email address, dida_hidayah@hotmail.com.
But will still be using the first account. Thank you.

Take care everyone. =)

2009-11-17T02:22:00.003+08:00

Not sentimental. Fullstop.
And... yes I know its cute. I say it again ok? Diam uh
Aww you can't hear bt its playing in your mind. I know.
Last but not least, never judge the intellectual of someone by syllabus-base.
I can pretend to not know how to pretend cause I want to see how you not pretending to not know that I was pretending. Get it? =)
Take care of your eyes since its an asset. But I have a better asset. haha.

Take care everyone.

2009-11-13T02:46:00.003+08:00

I can't give you the physical one.. So the flying one will do ok?
So you better catch it. It's a big one. It's coming now. Hold on tight. Here comes.
"____________________________!!!!"
*giggle giggle*
Life is good huh.. =D

What? It's over already? Serious?!
Lets see.. So no more arithmetic, no more medulla oblangata, no more potassium manganate, no more electric field.
So wat am I going to do in life?
The boredom is drowning me already.
Therefore, jobscope here I come!

Till here now for the moment. The pillows are bewitching me already.
And someone is already sound asleep with all the snores and oozing juicy substance. hehehe.
I'm left all alone with that question playing in mind.
Nytes everyone.
Take care (=

2009-09-15T00:44:00.009+08:00

Pheww... Syahadah examinations are over and now Preliminary exams.

Wednesday, 16th Sept: BM 1 & Science 3(Chem)
Thursday, 17th Sept : IRK 1 & 2
Wednesday, 23rd Sept: English 1 & Science 2 (Physics)
Thursday, 24th Sept: English 2 & Science 1
Friday, 25th Sept: Mathematics 1 & BM 2
Monday, 28th Sept: Mathematics 2
Tuesday, 29th Sept: Biology 1 & 2 & Malay Literature

~~First GCE O level examination is Biology Practical!!~~

Tuesday, 13th Oct: Biology Practical.
Wednesday, 14th Oct: Arabic Language 1 & 2
Friday, 16th Oct: IRK 1
Monday, 19th Oct: IRK 2
Thursday, 22nd Oct: Science(phy/chem) Practical
Monday, 26th Oct: English paper 1 & 2
Tuesday, 27th Oct: Mathematics 1
Wednesday, 28th Oct: Mathematics 2
Monday, 2nd Nov: Science 3 (chemistry)
Wednesday, 4th Nov: Science 2 (Physics)
Friday, 6th Nov: Biology 2
Tuesday, 10th Nov: BM 1 & 2
Wednesday, 11th Nov: Malay Literature & Science(phy/chem) 1
Thursday, 12th Nov: Biology 1

2009-09-10T01:25:00.006+08:00

SLEEPING HABITS
(Extracted from Book: Brighten Your Life, by Daniel F. Kripke, M.D)

It may surprise you that I think many people try to sleep too much. We are all familiar with the unpleasant feeling of having slept too little, but many of us have not thought about the possible harm of trying to sleep too much.
You may have heard somewhere that 8 hours of sleep per night is necessary to be healthful. This just is not so. In our studies in San Diego, the average adult is actually asleep only between 6 and 6.5 hours a night. Moreover, The Cancer Prevention Study II showed that people who sleep 6.5 to 7.5 hours live a bit longer than people who sleep 8 hours or more . The shorter sleepers lived longer! Even people who slept as little as 3 hours lived longer than those who slept 8 hours or more. Certainly, if you get only 6.5 or 7 hours of sleep a night, you are probably sleeping enough.
Studies show that in the range that most Americans sleep (which is 6, 7, or 8 hours or so), there are few discernable differences between people. This may surprise you, but people who sleep 6 hours seem to be at least as happy as people who sleep 8 hours. Moreover, people who sleep 8 hours get just as much work done and are just as rich as people who sleep 6 hours. There may be some tendency for people with the shortest sleep times (5 or 6 hours) to be outgoing and energetic, whereas people with the longest sleep times seem to be more introverted, imaginative, or perhaps a bit depressed. Notice the surprise! People who sleep less are less depressed!

-This is specially for the sooo charming sleeping prince and my dear rounded lass.
Do reflect my loves. At last.. I'm so gratified! And you can stop nagging at me about my lack of sleep. hahaha.

2009-09-06T12:05:00.005+08:00

The Seminar Akademia Islam organised by PERKEMAS made me land into a confusing state to choose between 2 different regions. Perhaps it's not about choosing between them but to choose which one shall I pursue first before the other. Life is difficult at times when making decisions. Yea.. Do pray for my success.

The question you asked which shall you pursue to JC or Poly.. I must admit that wherever you go to still will make me fret. It's not the question of capability as you are so elligible for both but you know why. Do reflect what I said even if you said you can take care of yourself. Exposed to the world out there is a good thing but the influence from some foreign culture will be the greatest alteration to some part of your lifestyle.

Whatever it is, do know that I always give you my support and I believe you know that.

Trying to forget the "bare" msg. I meant that as "BEAR"! Pls be clear that it was a typing error.
And yes, I'm trying my best to delete some messages. You will stop complaining about the thousands of msgs but you will then unable to read them and have fun finding things out. And I wouldn't have to worry in setting up an intruder alarm. haha. Kidding.
And I can see you're enjoying the hols with tennis, activities and 'activities' (HAHA)..

Take care everyone.
Miss you all. (=

2009-09-06T09:54:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah.. 1 week break to stop the ball frm rolling back down the examinations pressurising lane.

Pheww.. It'd been quite an eye-straining week since prelim exams started caused by lack of sleep. As you know, last-minute preparation will be the answer for such consequences.
But it isn't a worthless sacrifice for this major examinations.
And I did compensate the sleep deficiency as somebody keep on emphasising the importance of sleep.

"We need to have the beauty sleep to make us more beautiful"
Oh yes, and you were influenced and stayed awake throughout the night.
And because of the long phone call I can see how you really need your sleep after being a witness how you did the "head banging" throughout the funny-assent-talk by the invited speaker. haha.

Guess after reading this, somehow a rounded lass will strike me and say, "Ohh.. All this while I mentioned the importance of sleep didn't bother you at all" haha.
Yes I did listen to your plague. Don't you worry that.

Take care evryone. =)

2009-08-22T16:43:00.003+08:00

5 more days left to spend some more valuable and precious time in class. Therefore we had fun playing 'catching' as a De-Stress Stimulation with the girls and end up getting a nag from Ustzh Sidah. But it was fun anyway since it'd been ages since we last chase after one another. Hoping for more opportunity to play such childhood games.. After the O levels of course.
Pheww..
And now getting back with e-learning revision in Biology.
Love you sisters & 4209 & '93ians.

2009-08-11T10:01:00.004+08:00

Life is getting more and more hectic.
It's getting near now to face a phenomenon which words can't describe how it feels.
Though sometimes some parties still afford to take things lightly, we all know what's it going to be like later. It feels captivating and blissful that they seems to give a fair shake and reserve some room in the heart to let some people mend their mistakes and opportunity to change their fate in life. But for some of us know, the other party is heavily affected. It's future we are talking about.

Living in an ecosystem, we could not just think about the benefit some of us would gain but the overall achievement. It's definitely not mutualism in this situation. Because it's quite obvious how the distort and biased deal is being done.

Let me define Ecosystem. Different communities interact with one another and their physical environment in a habitat.
Yes interaction needed here.
And therefore we could see how this neglected party give in to result in some rise for the other party. But can't they see how greatly we are affected?

Maybe we really have to bow to the law of life that states, "gain something and would end up losing some other things".
For all that we know, we just have to work hard and stay strong together. For we are an independant community and could not feel the sense of belonging to this ecosystem.

2009-08-06T00:19:00.003+08:00

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?
Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that
I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that
I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late, What about now?
Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life, I am yours.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late.

-Indeed, it's meaningful.

2009-07-30T18:55:00.003+08:00

"I hate you!"
"I thought you love me?"
"Maybe I used to.. But I no longer feel the same way."
"Ok in that case, I'm gonna make you love me back!"

Adorable. :)

2009-06-27T23:46:00.004+08:00

"Life is like dat there are always learning points, sama ada we want to do better or repeat the same mistake again.. I believe u can be better, u hv great potential"

School life will be different now without you. May Allah let us meet again in future and never to forget in the hereafter, amiin. I love you till eternity from the bottom of my heart, daddy. =)

2009-06-17T21:54:00.002+08:00

Yes I know.
Cut Off points- 9
And the effort I put in.
Doesnt tally at all.
Dream and effort can never match.

Yes I know.
Without you blabbering those hurtful words.
I'd long stand in the world of reality.
I'd long know how less you give in to those low scores.
But to change from the new worthless me to the original me
Still take some time
Can't you try to understand that?
I'm trying my best to adapt on new things.
Can't you see I'm immune now to all those things.
So why can't you try to be the vaccine?
If not so, try to find a cure
For this wound need time to recover.

If you say you hate to see me in this state
Then do you think I love to be there
A place far from my competing peers
And letting the society judge me wrongly?

I'd long be at the peak
And had the victory mine at all times
So do you think I enjoy to be at the ground floor?
After I just started to carve my name on the top
And then being burried by dust of failures.
I'd long knew to climb up wasn't easy
And to be knocked down and fell just need a tick of time.

But you need to know
That changing need time
It won't give a lasting effect if it was to be drastic
I promised to myself and to the deserving people
That I'll be all healed and recover
From the nasty mind disease
Before I face the war and be all ready to strive the best once again.

2009-06-13T01:55:00.002+08:00

Let He and the future decide for me. As long as I'm concerned, I put the effort only on things that need my utmost attention.
For now, you're just a sidetrack that might distract my focus from the main concern.

Wake up Lass! You are falling way down the opposite from the real you.
I used to really love you Maths and Science. Just what made my love fade?!

-I need a mega sharp tight Slap and a snappy warm hug. Only one each.

2009-06-12T02:01:00.002+08:00

Never come that near ever again.
Never ever or perhaps.... not the time yet?

2009-06-11T16:20:00.002+08:00

"Hello syg.. How sana? Hav fun? How's the food there? Cukup ke tido? Bawa bantal busuk tk? Cian kte tau.. Dah, jaga diri baik2 pt sana. Klu ade kucing mcm harimau bwk balik.. Beruang tanak. Kte dah ade satu beruang girl dah, baru jek anta pegi Rebutia Malaysia."

-Msg yg dihantar ibu and abg aku time kt rebutia.

NAK PEGI REBUTIA LAGI!!
rindu Poknik and Abi!!

2009-06-06T14:48:00.002+08:00

I'm really missing Poknik and Abi with the sight of their adorable and cuddly act.
To me, Rebutia really open and widen my heart, my mind and my soul for what I am capable to do and how to control my mind to overcome my emotions.

kay ni nak crite sikit antara bende2 yg tk blh dilupakan kt sana.

Ni time kembara malam. Nombor yg ditetapkn bg aku ialah 26. sementara menunggu org2 depan jln dulu, aku terlena kt atas road. Bangon je lg 3 org pstu aku nye turn. Dgn muke stoink2 aku pn bangon and standby. Ni yg part nk terkekek ni ble teringat balek. Ustzh Orfiyah pimpin aku nk panjat bukit kontot yg maha licin sebelum boleh cari Poknik. Aku dgn penuh confident lupe yg satu badan tgh sakit tambahan dgn cuaca sejuk, pun angkat lah kaki yg berat seguni ni nk panjat. Skali kaki cramp tk blh gerak. Dlm keadaan terkangkang aku terus terslide ke bawah. Terus panic tk terpanjat2 smpi 4-5 kali. Ustzh suro bagi budak blkg jln dulu. Blkg aku Ain Solehah. Aku yg blm naik ni ade hati plak tu nk tolong die naik. Aku pn ckp, "K ain, kte kira 1 2 3 pstu kte tolak awk." Adelah a few times gtu. Last2 bknnye aku tolak die tapi tangan aku jadi bangku plak die tumpang duduk nk tarek nafas. Aku pn melaung la. Dalah kaki cramp tk psl2 tangan plak tk blh diharap. Lepas Ain je aku teros nekad nk panjat lg akhirnya berjaya la juge.

Yg lain alhamdulillah aku tk susah sgt nk merentasi thanks to Zakiah die no.25 yg byk tolong aku since aku ni actually rabun malam jd tk blh brape nmpk lah ape jd sekeliling.
Rasanye mcm nk masok hutan lagi sbb kepuasan tu dtg ble teringat yg tangan aku mampu panjat mcm2 meskipun kene menampung badan berat mcm guni pasir ni. Lepas ni nk practise naik monkey bar byk2 sbb all dis while monkey bar tk prnh abes slalunye separuh je pstu gugur ke tanah.

Lagi satu yg tk blh dilupakn main game Tarzan tu. I took 4-5 times bru pass merentasi seberang tambak. Tapi bagi mereka yg tk berjaya, tkpe jgn malu sbb saya faham perasaan awk. Tkpe, yg penting kte dapat rasa kesusahan yg dialami pelakon2 hollywood ble kene swing sana swing sini.

Dan juge terima kasih pada Rebutia kerana aku jadi tk peduli kepada ape jenis binatang yg hinggap di atas ku tp dendam ku pada semut api blm reda lagi sbb 5 ekor semut api tanpa segan dan silu telah menggigit aku serentak sewaktu aku merentasi high rope.

Flying Fox memang gerek abes cuma yg aku kesalkn tu mula2 masih turun aku tutup mata skjp dan badan aku mengadap ke depan tapi setelah aku mencelik kn mata badan aku terpusing ke belakang. Kejadah ape? Aku buka mata nk tgk mcm mane aku jatoh ni tk psl2 kene tgk blkg. Klu diberi peluang memang nk buat lagi.

Tapi dalam smua aktiviti, yg favourite still kembara malam. Rasanye mcm mimpi gtu yg aku telah meredahi kesusahan yg dialami sewaktu kena merangkak di tanah yg licin.
Waktu tu, kte blh nmpk masing2 nye sifat semulajadi yg mana kurang penyabar, kurang memahami, kurang membantu teman2 yg susah malah mereka memarahi lg ada.
Kepada juniors ku yg dat time tertinggal dr no. depan tertinggal ke blkg, jgn rasa malu dengan kawan2 krn yg penting, pengalaman Rebutia ni beri manfaat dn kesan pd diri kita dn bukan hak mereka untk merosakkn pengalaman awak smua.
Memang susah tapi percayalah sebenarnya korg smue mampu nk panjat2 bende2 tu smua. Yg pntg kene ade self confidence dlm diri korg ok? Pikir balik, kte lg gemok n besar dr korg tp alhamdulillah dpt jgk meredah kesusahan tu. So next time, jgn give up ok? Tunjukkan pada mereka yg slim2 tu yg kte gemok2 gini (tp cute) mampu jgk mengatasi kelemahan kte. Okeh? Chayo!

Yg paling memalukan Poknik berpakat dgn team Rebutia and guru2 nk prank kte2 yg June Babes. Ya Allah! Malu abes. rasanye smue da nmpk da muke kemek aku nanges kt depan takot la ape la kesalahan yg kte buat kn smpi Poknik larang kte g Rebutia lg. Thank You Poknik, Abg Khai and Kak Wawa for d Bdae card and bdae wish. I love you all Team Rebutia.

Yg penting skali, kerana Rebutia, aku makin mengenali juniors ku and kte sayang sangat juniors kte smue skali baik yg sec2 juge yg sec3. Love u all rasanye mcm tanak tnggl kn mwti ni since kte tnggl lg 2-3 bulan je lg. May our bond get stronger as day goes by and nothing make us break from each other till we meet the day that had been waiting for, amiin.

2009-05-17T16:49:00.002+08:00

Pheww. Exams sure are over. Well, I can forecast how the results will turn out to be.
One day while I was starting to memorise for my exam the next day. I stared at the book and wonder how come I used to get top 4 and not nowdays. Just how did I prepare for myself. Thinking back, I used to study last minute just like what I'm doing now.
Then suddenly I flip through my sec2 science books- The subject which I usually score distinction (not being boast but only flashing the nice memories), I then remember that I usually read the topics before my teacher start teaching in class and I will always give the utmost attention and focus not even forgot to put in determination and love to study and know more about what the teacher was teaching. And recalling back now how I perform in class- sleeping while the teacher was explaining.

I just hate myself now. The fact that I just started to slack made some of them think differently from who I used to be. Well, I cant blame him for his bloodytounge cause I myself let him do that.

And now I can expect how my results would be.
Yes, I know, the society I live in have little tolerance to failure.
Sorry mum. It's not worthy to say it and realise it now but it's better to say sorry than never.

2009-05-14T17:09:00.004+08:00

Tuhan sembunyikan matahari,
Dia datangkan petir dan kilat,
Kita menangis dan bertanya,
Mengapa hilangnya matahari?
Rupa-rupanya Tuhan nak beri kita pelangi.

2009-05-14T16:27:00.002+08:00

I appreciate it, I really do
But all good things just have to end
Or we won't know what life is for
And what it's all about.

For all I know, it does not bring any damage to me
Though it's a torture, a real tough one
But it didn't kill me, and I believe it won't
For He knows the maximum strength each of us can cope.

It's a pity it just stops there
For you are the king in many aspects
But He knows whats best for me
And whats best for you.

Perhaps the king need a real queen
And I'm just a dwarf looking up to the sky
Endure only rain drops from the silver clouds
And never be shone by a ray of sunshine.

But it was a beam I once hope for
Nevertheless I know it could harm me
But the fact that the beam was not the cause
It was just me where the problem lies.

Face it missy
Come back to earth
Life is forever a reality
Can never match the fantasy.

2009-05-14T16:07:00.002+08:00

Dia yang mencipta hati dan perasaan.
Dialah juga yang tahu bagaimana menenangkan dan memuaskan hati ciptaanNYA.

Mengenal Allah secara tepat.
Itulah kunci kepuasan dan ketenangan hati.

2009-04-13T11:31:00.000+08:00

Life can never always stay like the way we want it to be.
People change.
They are changing for good.
Leaving memories behind and move on.

I'm right here.
The same me with different approach.

Friends for life and the hereafter.
Won't always say good of you.
For they want the best for you.

2009-04-10T00:27:00.000+08:00

Hidup ini memang penuh dengan cabaran, dugaan, pertandingan dan mainan perasaan.
Nasihatku kepada mereka yang ade hati nak berpoligami, "Jangan nak mimpi."
Kenapa? Susah nak berlaku adil.

Masa yang kuluangkan bersama salah satu scandalku, si Bulat

Walaupun die kembang semangkuk, aku tetap terima yg seadanye

Ku kuntumkan senyuman yg ikhlas buat si dia walaupun tk secantik mana.

Tapi die nak lebih dari tu. Dia cuba nak beri kucupan padaku.

Di saat ku ingin menyahutnya, tiba2 ku teringatkan dikau Nadhz

Jangan you pikir you aje yg ade masa dengan die. I pon ade. Tapi, I think you can have her all by yourself soon coz I dont see where this relationship can go.

2009-03-20T04:27:00.000+08:00

Semenjak I da upgrade myself from microwave to stove, dapur I asek berasap je.
Tapi tak mengapa, demi kesejahteraan rumahtanggaku kelak, aku bertekad untuk terus memahirkan diriku beraksi dengan kuali dan periuk dan bukan sekadar mangkuk plastik.

Inilah semangat kental aku yang dah ghairah nak kahwin. (O level blm lepas dah gatal plak).

Nasihatku pada wanita melayu yang masih single sekelian,
Janganlah mencari pasangan hidup dari kaum melayu. Kenapa?
Cuba tengok sekeliling kita, apa jadi pada kaum lelaki melayu kita?
Hidup dalam hiburan, tidak mahu maju ke hadapan, terpengaruh pada kehidupan barat dan tidak bersikap bertanggungjawab.

Dan di bawah ini tertera sikap lelaki yg bukan menjadi idaman wanita muslimah yang waras:

1- Penagih batang rokok
2- Menukar warna rambut asli
3- Gemar memakai seluar maha ketat
4- Rambut seperti hutan rimba
5- Lelaki yg suka gossip

Bangkitlah wahai kaum lelaki. Sesungguhnya kamu semua yang bakal mengetuai kita dan membimbing kita kepada jalan yang benar.

Pada pendapatku, menularnya gejala lesbian akibat kurangannya lelaki ideal yang layak dijadikan pasangan hidup. Pada kaum lelaki, jangan sesekali mentertawakan lesbian kerana anda merupakan salah satu puncanya selain daripada kekurangan pedoman mereka sendiri.

2009-03-20T02:15:00.000+08:00

I'm getting more and more nocturnal.
I sleep when there's time and I'm awake in the middle of the night.
I actually activate myself from 12:30am to 4:00am, take a short nap before going to school and wakes up at 5:50am.
Reach home from school lately by 6pm, had dinner and clean myself, lock myself in my room pretending to do homework but actually sleep soundly and wake up at 12:30am to catch up with my schoolworks and there goes my life cycle.
I'm changing back my habit in this March Holidays hoping to get a new healthy sleeping habit as I realised my health is at stake. Suffering from severe headaches, groggy visions, lack of focus, bad blood circulation, body aching, slow reflex respond and flawful appearance.

Yes, lack of sleep is unhealthy but TOO MUCH OF SLEEP IS ALSO UNHEALTHY.
You! Yes, you yg bulat2 lobang idong kembang jangan nak sindir2 I tk cukup tidur lagi.

2009-03-20T01:52:00.000+08:00

Wajah mu kerap ku mimpi
Wajah mu sering ku puja
Buatku terasa sepi
Kala ku bukakan mata

Kau masih belum pun ku punya
Rinduku masih kau tak peka

Cintamu kerap ku mimpi
Cintamu sering ku damba
Buatku terasa sedih
kala ku bukakan mata

Kau masih belum pun ku dakap
Rinduku masih kau tak singkap

Bila nak saksi
Kau datang terkulai
Bila nak saksi
Kau datang membelai
Bila nak saksi
Cintaku sampai

Dirimu kerap ku mimpi
Dirimu sering ku khayal
Aku angan-angankan
Kau dapat bersama
Nyatakan cinta yang terpendam
Membina istana tersergam

Bila nak saksi
Kau datang terkulai
Bila nak saksi
Kau datang membelai
Bila nak saksi
Cintaku sampai

Kau masih belum pun ku punya
Rinduku masih kau tak peka

Bila nak saksi
Kau datang terkulai
Bila nak saksi
Kau datang membelai
Bila nak saksi
Cintaku sampai
Bila nak saksi
Cintamu kugapai

Dirimu kerap ku mimpi
Dirimu sering ku khayal
Aku angan-angankan
Kau dapat bersama

-Bila Nak Saksi by Spider.

I just appreciate the words.
They touched my heart.

2009-03-08T12:49:00.000+08:00

First Sunday of the first week of the third month of 2009.
As usual, Sunday is the only day I can really slack and slop.
To my surprise, woke up at 7:15am after solat subuh had my special cheesy bread. Then tido balik, woke up at 8:57am, rush to laundry room (tk tahan nk g toilet), went back to bed and checked my phone- 3 new messages & 2 missed calls, then tertido balik, woke up at 9:45am. On the way to kitchen passed by abang's room and found out he was playing psp, just went back from BBQ with his friends. Then, make light breakfast for myself and switch on the TV at the living room and watched nickelodeon, then disney channel then cartoon network and okto.

hmm.. Had quite a tough week as I panicked for had not started my text for munazarah then suddenly that munazarah thingy postponed to next friday, 13th March. Good news man, but grrrrr! Wasted my energy to work my heart all out pumping more blood to my trembled body for panicking.
Also, had been saving for the past few weeks then suddenly the urge of having vanilla milkshake (thanks to Sir Haidad), almond oreo crush, strawberry oreo blend, Old Chang Kee's finger snacks, Prima Deli waffles, Mr Bean's blueberry puffs had cost me the whole of my savings! (mengalahkan yee)
Oh, thats me when it come to cravings. ok fine, that explains how I'd grown this big.
School's stuff? Oh! feel like shovling them all aside. And forget about it for a moment.
Three months already, and I'm still slacking?
HELLLLOOOO! (junnah's style) wake up girl! O level's in 5 mnths time!!

K, wait a min guys. My phone's ringing. (Avril Lavigne is singing "Keep holding on")

Ok, just got a call from sis dayah senin, my new senior frm preu1. Asked for sis radhi's cntct no. and asking my progress with the munazarah preparation, feel like saying "-nil-", but dun wanna dissapoint myself. So I say "lagi nk bt ni".

It's 1:37pm, haven't had my 2hrs Sunday lunch- Eating and reading session.
k, lets check out whats for lunch.
Aww.. It's nasi lemak bought by uncle. It's ok, da bagos dpt mkn. bersyukur dayah.
-Alhamdulillah- (Yan's style)
Oh yay! And abang brought home a new archie comic.

Gonna meet nisa at Bedok Libr at 3pm.
Alamak blm mandi lg. Blm decide nk pki bju ape lg. Argh! malas plak nk klua.

Ok got to go now. Blm kemas rumah lg.
Take care everyone. =)
Love my 4209 class (Bell jepun hilang-tsk tsk tsk-)

2009-02-25T19:57:00.000+08:00

Not sure about it?
Then why spread the news all about?
Shouldn't you find the truth instead of spreading lies?
Shouldn't you feel guilty for blackmailing someone?
If not so, don't you feel ashamed with what you'd done or maybe I should say... what you'd been doing.? For you had misuse Allah's gift.
The gift of having such a beautiful and complete mouth.

Don't you think it's better not to have that one organ rather than carrying a huge collection of sins?

"Mengata yang hakikat dikata mengumpat, mengata yang tidak benar dikata menfitnah. Dua2 perbuatan itu berdosa. Lebih baik menutup mulut jika tidak ada benda yg bermanfaat untuk diperkatakan"

2009-02-22T17:31:00.000+08:00

The sight of you now hurts me deeply.
If you take it that way, so just let it be that way.
Your words left a deep scar.
I just can't afford to hear anything more from you.
I may carry a strong front.
But no one knows how much it bleeds inside.
I don't even care if you meant what you said.
As the words said can't be taken back.

I need the strength back
That was once I got from you.

2009-01-27T15:06:00.000+08:00

Tanggal 28hb Januari, maka bergemanya tangisan seorang bayi ganyut bernama NUR ATIQAH MALIK YEE..

Happy 16th Birthday to my dear yee!
May you success in life and the hereafter, amiin.

Juz want you to know how much I appreciate the beautiful friendship dat we built for abt 3 years and how much I appreciate the love, care, concern and attention that you showered to me all this while.

With you, I learn the meaning of trust and fillial. Coz you're always there for me- through thick and thin, rise and fall. Our friendship is not just for the sake of joy and laughters for you're always there. You always stood up for me and..
I love you very much for who you are

Juz like you love me for who I am

Fine.. who I really am

I LOVE YOU, YEE!!

She's my friend, my pillow, my tissue, my heartbeat, my badminton partner and most importantly, my BULAT! =)

2008-12-19T22:32:00.000+08:00

I don't know whether I should be contented with the new me. I mean, I'm just getting along with new things. Last wednesday I went to Tampines Regional Library and I borrowed a book; A damn thick book, ERAGON by Christopher Paolini. Well, refer to my introduction I suppose I did mention that I don't enjoy reading ficitional books. And to believe that I actually missed watching Little Nyonya on channel 8 (which is the new crave since YEE influenced me with her "Die Die Must Watch" habit) just because I was enjoying that book.
I myself wasn't expecting that.

Later that night I showed to my dear brother that book expecting him to be amazed or what, but instead, he was laughing at me and said he actually finished the whole series which he mentioned ERAGON( currently my pathethic juz satarted book), ELDEST and BRISINGER. I hope I got the names all right. haha. Ya.. But, I wasn't suprised he would laugh at me since he's an extreme super hyper bookworm although he doesn't look like one.
And I can still remember him reading one of the Harry Potter books I don't know what tittle it is because I didn't follow up on that which is about 700+ pages in just one day. If it were to be me, it will take me about.. umm.. a month?
And he also did criticise the people who just started reading TWILLIGHT, NEW MOON, ECLIPSE and I don't know what the next tittle is. Since he read the whole series long ago.

And lately I'm getting into action movies. Usually movies like that only my mum and bro will watch and enjoy it and I will eventually get busy with my own stuff or if I were to join them, I'd only enjoying the snacks. But lately, somehow.. juz somehow, I'm so interseted in watching movies like that. hmm.

Conclusion: I think I'm getting to be so much alike just like my brother.
Hold on everyone.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
phew! okay, enough shouting.
Although I can say my brother is the greatest influence in my life, but still, I don't wanna be like him. I have my own style you know.. *grins*

Ok, I should spend more time doing some self-reflecting before I evolve into a totally "brother-alike" and it'll be too late.

2008-12-13T02:41:00.000+08:00

12th December 2008.

No doubt I had fun.
In which actually there's something I'm not enjoying with.
But hey girls, dun worry, it's just 0.001% and won't affect the happiness and joyness I had together with you guys.

But somehow.. I HATE THE PICTURES!!!
It's so much proven that I gained more weight during this holidays! Grrrrrrrr.

I'm warning you guys. Don't ever upload the obscene picture of mine yg kt sourcer pan tu ehk! If any of you guys wanna have a taste of my flying fist, then I dare you to upload dat pic.

Nul rugi babe. But again, no worries, CAMP FURQAN coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

"Get up on your feet and be strong!"

Thanks to someone for giving me motivational chat for about 4 hrs? hehe.
And my handphone was piping hot. How I wish it could burn the fats that clogged on my cheek once and for all instead of just increasing the rate of enzyme amylase in my mouth.

Ya.. I should pick myself up quickly and move on instead of sitting down and sob for nothing on things that were over. This should be the biggest lesson to me. Looking at how people around me react to see my results, only Allah know how it feels.

well.. At least mum was being supportive enough as she said even successfull people do face failures at times. And now, mum return back to her old position as my personal facilitator at home or I can say "personal asisstant"? okay.. don't count all her nags 24/7. -_-
She also did mention something that's quite harsh, "I thought I retired! But it seems like you've not grown up yet".. hmph!

To people out there who might be sharing the same fate with me, I hope this phrase could light up your spirit back because it works on me.
"We never face success all the way as we should give failure a chance to help us wake up".
I hope I got the phrase correct. But it does sound something like that.

Reflecting back who I am before since I was young, I should stop this nonsense once and for all and be back on my feet- the real me. It does hurt to see those who'd been racing with me all this while, the people who'd always behind me suddenly take their turn and left me behind all by myself and lead at the front. And I mean it, all of them. Hey, it's a healthy competition though.

Ok, guess I should stop for now. It's usually easier said than done.
It's good to see I've started preparing for next year. I hope this spirit continues to light all the way until I reach my final destination, insyaAllah. =)

2008-12-08T00:55:00.000+08:00

"Kalau hidup hanya untuk makan dan tidur saja, apakah perbezaannya dengan binatang? Sebagai seorang manusia, haruslah tahu membezakannya."

You! yes, you yg bulat2, hidung kembang tu!
Jgn masuk mata kanan kluar mata kiri.

2008-12-06T16:21:00.000+08:00

You are the person who knows me the best.
You know what I could feel, what I could think, what I would say.
You know what are the things I could bring in my bag everytime I go.
You know what I like.
You know my taste.
You are my ears, my shoulder and even my pillow.
You know everything about me.
But somehow....
I don't know. I just don't.
It seemed empty now.
Reading ur blog, I realised one thing.
I guess you felt the same thing too.
Maybe our friendship seems less inspired because of me.
I know I am dissapointing this year.
I know you can see that too.
I used to advice a lot on you. Keep you motivated and inspired.
But now... I'm a letdown.
I realised how much I get less important to you.
And you like my good friend better now.
I don't deserve to feel jealous.
Cause I'm the reason for all this.
I realised how much I scold you for the bad thing that you do won't work anymore.
I realised that you won't persuade me anymore even after I slammed the phone.
I realised how much you won't bother to check whether I leave any missed calls or messages.
I realised how much I'm not being meaningful to you anymore.
I realised how much I get less appreciation from you.
I realised how much you wanted our conversation come to an end all the time.
I realised how hard you are to tolerate my attitude anymore.

I know, if there come a day I would throw my shoes to you, you will still pick it up for me.

I don't wanna be just ur friend like the others. I wanna be more than them.

I'm just missing how we spent our times together.
I hate myself for who I am now.
I hate to let out my feelings here. But to who else can I express my feelings? Since you are the only person I trust and you are the only one who can understands me the best.

I just want you to know, I love you the most and I appreciate the beautiful friendship that you'd given me; your tolerance, your care & concern, your support and most importantly, your love.

2008-12-06T00:13:00.000+08:00

I'm very proud of you brother.
Firstly, you were chosen for the top 20 from the 1500+ students of the first year to do a test to indicate whether you deserve to study for an advance diploma. And you make it for the top 9.

And yesterday, you came home with a good news saying that you'll be sent to the United states to attend for your course. I'm really happy for you!
And I can see how happy mum n granddad were upon knowing this. At least, you make mum smile back after I dissapoint her with my results.

My... I really can't imagine you staying there all alone by yourself without any friends or family. Firstly to New York then to California. I'll be totally missing you.

2008-11-14T08:45:00.000+08:00

I Love You 3/2 '08.

Hope to see us together as 4/2 '09

2008-11-08T11:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just sit around and wonder why do humans tend to hurt each other intentionally although they'd been living together for quite a long time, spending abt at least 10hrs together everyday and multiply it with 300<365> per annum.
And sometimes they intentionally do something to befall each other, competeing unhealthily on something of the same pace, wanting the success to be only theirs and smile to see others trip and fall during the race.
Guess this is what life is all about.

I just cant figure it out why some of them with the chromosomes XX; species which are born naturally to have a soft heart are sometimes the most evil-minded creatures that any of us could least expect. Boastful. Selfish. Self-centered.
If you always claim, "Uhibbukum fillah", make sure you mean it. Coz or else you are actually making a fool with the name of Allah, The Almighty. Nauzubillah.

2008-11-08T09:46:00.000+08:00

And now I'm adding another burden to my life.
It's double now.
And you asked me whether I'm serious or not.
Let me tell you, when I'm alone juz by myself and listen music, I listen to two songs now instead of only one.
Musytaqun & Disturbia.
And you know the songs represents who.
And.. I listen to that bam bam didam more than the first one.
You actually make my past dream relight, do u know that?
He was once my nightmare but now...
You and ur mother.
If only that day I juz walk straight and didnt accept the lift, this thing wouldnt happen.
oh Allah, which two of my friend's flesh & blood should I go on with..?
argh!
Maybe I should just listen back and hold on to the song With You.
huahua.
You! the one feeling guilty. You should know yourself. I'd given you my answer to your question.

2008-11-06T18:30:00.000+08:00

ya. exams sure are over.
It's not a peace of mind to me.
How much I regretted for the very last minute preparation.
My performance are way going down from the usuals.
Even brother started to realise my not organized life this yr.

yesterday ustaz salam came to me and ask a question which I wasn't expecting it but I'm not suprised at all.
and ya.. I sure dissapoint the people who cares a lot abt me, especially sir sarif. I'm sorry for breaking up my promise sir. I regret it a lot, I really do. Bt what more can I say? Even seeking for an apology is not worthy at all.
and sir isa.. I'm sorry I'd hurt u a lot too. I didnt appreciate what you'd been giving me all dis while.
I'm worth nothing at all now. I'd hurt u guys so much. I guess you'd even give up on me.
I'm just counting my days now.. to the 14th of November.

2008-09-26T17:58:00.000+08:00

Equally even.

We both are facing examinations.

Been hoping that I won't be dissapointing anyone the 2nd time with my results this time.

2008-09-17T16:57:00.000+08:00

It was about 4pm in the evening. I juz woke up from my sleep as I was ill and was real weak to attend for my tuition. I was still on the bed when suddenly I heard my cell phone rang to tell me that I just received a message. I thought it was Aisyah or my mum but then I was over the moon when I saw his name written on the sender's column. It'd been some time since he last sms me. I became refreshed and regenerated upon receiveing his message. What the....
I'm glad we're doing fine now. And I hope everything will go on smoothly again in future.
Thank you for everything.
But most importantly, I thank Allah for meeting me with someone like him that could guide me and be a leader to me one day, insyaAllah.

2008-09-13T01:42:00.000+08:00

Lack of sleep,
Feverish feel,
Swollen eyes,
Body aching,
Head spinning,
Lousy mood....
I injure myself because of a human.
Oh Allah forgive me for being obsessive towards Your slave and giving him more attention than You who deserves it more than anyone or anything else do. And I end up
abandon Your gift and amanah to me.

I once said to him not to be sad as I will always be by his side. But now, when I'm feeling down, he's not there for me. But I know You are always watching and protects me from any mishaps that could fall upon me.

I'm not trying to say that he's being cruel or mean towards me. But sometimes we tend to hurt others with the decisions that we made for ourselves.

Well.. in fact I'm used to be hurt by others words. I dun realy mind if the person who hurt me is a friend. The most hurtful one when being hurt by our own flesh & blood. I might not be hurt physically but the words that uttered from her mouth leaves me a lot of scars deep inside.

I always wonder.. what made she hate me so much. We used to be in good terms when we're young. I admit I miss the days when she usually spoke up for me in front of my friends and always support me although I'm in wrong.

It might sound foolish to her but I oftenly cry when I reach home as I remember the words that are hurtful enough were actually meant for me. Somehow, mum started to realise that the bonding between me and her were not getting there anymore. But I never wanted to tell her whatever things that she did to me as I still care about her and I'm sure there'll be reasons with her doings.

Dun say I didn't try my best to satisfy you. I'd always tried my level best to be your good cousin. The problem is we juz couldn't interact with each other like we used to be. I always pray to Allah to open her heart so that one day we could be together like we used to be. And I swear I miss you cousin. The old you without your nasty tounge.

Love is a gift from Allah to us. But sometimes, if we misuse or even use it excessively, we tend to hurt ourselves by LOVE.

2008-09-12T22:54:00.000+08:00

In life, happiness can never stay long.
I hate to say this, I feel like letting you go.
And I still wonder if all this is nothing but just a mistake.

At class just now,
Everyone was joyfull enough.
Except me.
But I can't help it but to keep myself silent throughout the day.
I felt guilty though since not being there with them.
And make some of them worry for me.

I know there's a tone of dissapointment in you sis.
But it's hard for us to make the decision.

I'm sorry to make you involve in this.
I know it'd been hard on you.
A friend or flesh & blood.

Your last words were about: appreciation.
I wonder how you mean it by saying how much u appreciate me.

I need time for myself.
And I am sure time will heal the situation.
Remember I told you to concentrate fr dis major exams?
And this should be the right reason for the right time.

Whatever it is,
I am always behind you
Giving my support
And doa frm me as we are far apart.

Been looking foward fr the time when my foot step into the zone.

2008-07-19T14:13:00.000+08:00

Salam'alaikum! hehe. At this moment I'm at Jak's house to help her with our film. haha. U noe.. I adore her room very muc! Byk soft toy! And also her room is well organized la se. Klu my bilik, cuma study table je yg organize n bersih la juge. Yg lain....... =s Lg2 kt katil aku, ish penuh dgn buku la baju la wire ngn laptop aku skali kt atas katil. Nnt mummy aku bising "I belikan you katil mahal2 untuk you baring bukan untuk barang2 you!" haiyo. Nak kemas la cmni. wahahaha. K la, nk g bt keje ni.
Bbye!
-Dayah yg cute slalu! :)

2008-07-11T19:42:00.000+08:00

Salam'alikum! hehe. rasanya da mcm slalu plak I update blog. Tkpla, juz nk blg yg I upload byk gmbr da kt friendster. Gmbr bahas, inter-mad, gmbr jubilee dn gmbr I together wif sir isa. Jgn segan2 la nk jenguk frenster I ye. Cnfirm ramai yg terbakar hati dan mata nanti.

kk la, mls nk type pnjg2 ni. Take care everyone!
-Dayah yg cute slalu! :)

2008-07-10T18:03:00.000+08:00

Salam'alaikium! hehe. Ni kali kedua aku post. haha. At last ku upload jgak gmbr2 aku. hehehe. Lagi2 gmbr aku dgn sir isa kn. haha. Ade org terbakar hati die tgk gmbr tu. MUAHAHAHA!. Byk ketawa plak aku! Ni skrg kt rumah, bukan kt IT lagi. Patutnya waktu2 gini selalunya either nga tgk crite cina atau ZZZzz. haha. Tp nta knp ku nk on laptop and nak update blog and upload pics. Terkabul jgak doa korg. hahaha.
Td ku on friendster dn view profile2 org skali ter view profile abcdeMFghi. Gmbr die.. ya Allah! Blh muntah ber baldi-baldi! Mcm2 gmbr die. Bak kata Yee aku, "Gmbr die smua ade. Yg ade rambut, tkd rambut, pakai cermin mata, tk pki cermin mata, yg tunjuk gigi, yg tkd gigi, smua ada!" wahaha!

Btw, at last aku dpt bbl ngn someone yg ku rinduu sgt! Rindu berpantun ngn die, challenge puisi la, sajak la. hmm, take care kuku! miss u a lots!!

Till here I guess. malas nk type pnjg2. Take care everyone!
-Dayah yg cute slalu! :)

2008-06-24T15:39:00.000+08:00

At last, I create my own blog. It's a big suprise after all since I never enjoyed reading others blog. hahaha. Tak sabar2 nampak nk buka blog aku! hehe. I can sure U guys that I won't be updating that much. Perhaps, tk update2 lgsg. haha.
Since ku tengah type2 ni, might as well ku buka story skali. Sebenar benarnya, hati ku blm terbuka nk ke school. Satu bulan tak terasa langsung! Cepat sangat masa berlalu. Itulah antara tanda2 kiamat. Ni skrg kt IT class la ni. Dgr2 class la kn tp bt keje sendiri. Ni la kita2 org anak2 murid yg obedient sangat. Ey, tchr marah tauu. Tapi, boring se bt animation. Bagi mereka yg berbakat tu, mmg la best. Tapi bagi aku yg tak berbakat langsung, boring la! betul tak? hahaha. Actually my late father knows how to draw well. In fact, he's very creative. Unfortunately, I didn't inherit his abilities.
Well, till here I guess. Kepada teman2 ku smua, byk2 la berdoa agar hati dan tangan ku terbuka untuk meluangkan masa dan type panjang2 kt blog aku ni. haha.
Signing off,
-dayah yang cute slalu! :)